i feel a little high from the block of chocolate i just ate, but thinking about how when i take photographs it is never enough and i reach a blocking point where i cant go any further- because the reason i take photos is to attain what i am seeing, to somehow have union or become that which i see. it is similar to the desire for intercourse but wrought with the same problems. wanting sex but actually wanting something much more gratifying than sex, to be totally dissolved in union with everything, or to be totally present in your dot that connects with all the other dots. when i take a photo i really want the thing, the air, the time and space to enter and flow through me, to connect entirely with the presence of being, to feel no separation but aware of the container i am inside, grounded in this physical being but inside life not just observing. and so photographs are useful, as are holding the looping lines of a drawing against a page- as they facilitate direct experiences, points of focus, and they are reminders to keep going back there and into that space - to keep exploring presence. i almost would write more but need to let it find its own way of articulation and not to force it.

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